Over the last two weeks, I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life:
I broke up with my fiancé.
To be clear, he hadn't actually proposed yet, but the ring was purchased about a month ago; a beautiful Monique Péon ring, with fossilized wooly mammoth tusk in the center, surrounded by cruelty free diamonds with recycled gold. What a beautiful ring it is!
But It now sits in a box waiting for an eBay auction. It's weird to think about how the thing that symbolized my potential future is sitting on a shelf, waiting to be sold, and become a symbol in someone else's life.
We had a fantasy of having a flash mob wedding in a vineyard, the setting of our third date, and a reception at a polish festival, the setting of our first date. I thought that it was the right path, that this was the perfect situation with the perfect guy and I was so ready to take that plunge.
It was a dream, almost come true.
But over the course of the weeks post him purchasing the ring and me waiting for the impending engagement, I had this epiphany about the kind of life that I want to have for myself. While he is the best boyfriend I've ever had, my best friend, the funniest, most-fun, most handsome, and attentive man I've ever known; I had discovered that there were some core fundamental issues that we couldn't see eye to eye on, and therefore it wouldn't work out in the long run.
It was a heart-breaking conclusion to come to.
I was so close to everything I have been dreaming about for so long: the white picket fence, the 2.5 babies, and an easy and comfortable life with the man of my dreams. To say goodbye to the comfort was a very scary decision to make. It meant I had to potentially sacrifice one of the main sources of happiness in my life, for another source of happiness: my other dreams.
My other dreams consist of creating an empire, teaching and inspiring people about design, entrepreneurship and branding and traveling around the world. I have hopes for a yoga filled life, with friends and balance. I have dreams to be with someone who wants that same life, and who has the flexibility to come with me.
I've never been with anyone who has loved me so much, or who has been such a support system in my life. It took every ounce of courage to discover and dream of how I want my life to be, and how I would have to say goodbye to the person I love most in the world-- to go be my best self. This might even mean that I may never find someone who shares these things with me, and I had to realize that I am okay with that too.
I trust my gut, my intuition, the epiphany that I had, and the love I have for myself. I know I deserve to have someone who is on the same page as me about ALL of the things that I value, not just the majority.
I also was discovering that the complacent person that I was becoming, was starting to go from light passionate to dim and incapable. In a way, I was using my relationship as a crutch to not achieve my greatness. Now I don't have any excuses or anything in my way.
I want a simple, healthy, balanced, passionate, creative and adventurous life. I want to travel more. I want to learn how to do acrobatics on silks. I want to be the most centered healthy version of myself. It is now time for me to go do that and become the successful person I have always wanted to be.
The decision was made, and with great fear and courage. I told him how I felt and it ended up being a beautiful moment to grow and enjoy each other for the last few weeks before we part ways. No spite or vengeful comments, just love. We have two weeks to say goodbye and as we approach the end, and it is almost as beautiful as it started. I feel so lucky.