Day 6 of 200 Days of Blogging
I used to be a "yes" girl.
"Yes, I'll design your logo!"
"Yes I'll create your website!"
"Yes! I'll be your design slave for pennies on the dollar."
"Yes, I'll meet you for coffee and try to convince to give me your business, even though I don't like your company!"
I almost even said "Yes" to marrying the wrong guy, now that would have definitely taken my life in the wrong direction.
I said "yes" to everything because I wanted to make money. I said "yes" to everything because I was desperate with a desire to succeed and somehow going about it all the wrong way but didn't realize that saying "Yes" was the issue.
I wanted to grow my business. I felt anytime that I said "no" that I was losing out on something that would really make me thrive in my business. I had this belief that by saying "no" I was literally missing out on a chance to be truly successful. There was something even more surprising about my inability to say "no." It was happening from fear! Not just from a fear of missing out but something much darker!
With the help and work of my super fabulous and amazing life/business coach Debby Eubank, through a Life Purpose session, there was literally some sort of deep rooted belief that if I said "no" to current clients or new ones that they were doomed to fail because of my decision, and they would end up broke and homeless--- and somehow I would end up there with them! TALK ABOUT CRAZYPANTS! No wonder I couldn't say "No" I was making potential client's life and success dependent on me saying yes. Woah EGOPANTS!
From saying yes, my business was full of clients, but I was constantly stressed out, working with all the wrong kind of clients, and I was starting to hate design. At one point I proclaimed to a friend and fellow entrepreneur "I just don't think I was cut out to be a designer. I am starting to hate it." And she looked at me and said, "Of course you were meant to be a designer."
I didn't believe her.
I had given up.
How sad is it, that the thing that I considered my dream job was something that I was starting to hate?
I actually stopped taking clients for a year, and that is when things got really awesome.
Why? Because when I stopped I finally started to say "no."
This time last year, I got up in front of 75 women at a luncheon at Hera Hub (a fabulous co-working center you should check out) and when asked to state our intention for the year, mine was "To learn how to say "No!" and everyone applauded. Then this lady came up to me and said "Don't say "No" to me, I want to work with you!"
That's when I realized, that even when you say "No" there will still be someone out there who wants to work with you, in fact, they will want to work with you even more because you appear to be selective.
When we think about dating, imagine a person that would just say "Yes" to anyone that would ask them out. Anyone. Would that make them appear to be more attractive? They would probably appear to be a little bit desperate.
So what I learned from this experience with getting coached, is that when you say "No" you are actually allowing space in your life to only take on the "Yes's" that are completely in-line with your passions, your goals, and what feels right. Now I only take on a very select few kind of clients -- they need to be in the industry of luxury, spa, clothing, wine, travel, sex toy companies etc. This has lead to me being so much happier with the process and the results have been much, much better than any of my "yes" work from before!
Once you start flexing your "No" muscle, just wait to see the miraculous things that are going to happen in your business, love life, social life.
Remember this phrase and say it with gusto! "No, you can't make me do that... I do what I want!!!!!!"