Sometimes you don't know when the biggest epiphanies of your life will happen. As a supreme optimist (as I am) Sometimes it's easy to think of the positives in your life and block out negative self-talk. The truth is and maybe some of your faults are glaringly obvious to everyone else but you!
This life-changing experience happened to me at a conference called "Thrive" that I went to this last October.
I signed up thinking it was just going to be yet another marketing conference. Little did I know that Thrive was going to be all about connecting your business to a FOR-PURPOSE cause. Little did I know that there were going to be so much on self-development.
Here's a picture of me with the amazing Luis Ortiz (from MIllion Dollar Listing - New York!) I actually had met him in Positano Italy over the summer. "I lo' it! I lo' it! I lo' it!" (But he's not what we're talking about here today!) But this entry needed a little eye candy, don't you think?
Here's where the shift happened... I went to the VIP dinner with the speakers, and I sat at a table with Philip McKernan. I had no idea who he was, all I knew is that he was from Ireland and some sort of coach.
Apparently, he's known for helping people experience breakthroughs. To be honest, he completely rubbed me the wrong way. He also completely changed my life for the better.
For some reason, at this particular event, I had decided to hand out flyers for my business. Now this is something that I generally NEVER do. But as you know my branding is fairly visual and I thought "Well, I am paying $1,000 for this conference, if someone asks for a card, I should be prepared."
I had accidentally not gotten regular postcard size but a HALF page flyer with both The Course Launcher and Launch Your Brand on both. It actually looks really cool but they're sort of huge.
Anyway, we do this mastermind thing at dinner and the question is "What are you struggling with right now?" Each person goes around the table to talk about their challenge.
We introduce ourselves. I start off with showing my huge-ass flyer and stating what an amazing triple six figure year I've had. My questions was around finding a way to not feel guilty about all the things I wasn't getting done.
Philip's question to me "How would you rate from 1-10 your self-worth?"...
"My self-worth? In regards to business definitely a 10!"...
"That's not what I asked you..." He replied.
"Personally? I would say probably an 8?" (sheeplishly)...
"I don't believe you." he said.
My heart sank into my shoes.
Have you ever had one of those moments where you feel like someone has discovered something about you, that deep down you didn't even know that you knew, but you knew for damn sure you didn't want anyone else to know it?
Like eating 20 cookies in bed. Or secretly internet stalking an ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend might not be the healthiest thing in the world to be doing?
I felt like Philip had uncovered a dirty little secret, and I also felt like if he could identify that of me with only knowing me for 10 minutes, my next thought is... Oh my goodness EVERYONE knows this, and I didn't.
So I said to him "What should I do?"
"Go sit with it and you'll figure it out." he said.
"Should I pray about it? Should I meditate? Give me something here."
"Go be with it, you'll figure out what to do." he said.
I was heartbroken. I felt like he sledgehammered my existence, shattered my ego, and unveiled my dirty little secret to a table of strangers. But of course this is all my perspective, the reality is everyone was listening and supporting me lovingly.
I sat there stewing on the bomb that was dropped, the entire dinner. He asked me if I was okay. And I told him I just didn't know what to do!
Then I ran into him in the elevator about an hour later... and he's like "Are you still mad at me?" I replied "No but I wish you would tell me what to do..." he walked off the elevator and I jokingly (not-so-jokingly said "THANKS FOR NOTHING!!!!")
I went upstairs to my room and meditated on this. I took a bath and cried for FIVE HOURS. I felt this deep mourning of having this PROBLEM, that I didn't know how to solve. Here I felt so confident in everything happening in my business, yet I've been single now for 4 years, and just so broken.
Then it hit me. "OH. MY. GOD. HE IS RIGHT! Nooooo!"
"I seriously tie my entire existence, my entire VALUE on the success of my business."
I couldn't believe it.
"Who am I without my business?" I asked myself...I couldn't think of an answer. I felt like if my business didn't exist. This thing that gives me COPIOUS amounts of pleasure, of money, of freedom of excitement, of joy of love... without my business, I might as well not exist."
WOAH. This is not good.
It appears as if I have a bit of a co-dependent relationship on my business.
This sort of insight is the biggest shift I've had in years. And I knew instantly after sharing this sentiment with others, that I was not alone in this.
I also had this epiphany that you can have self-confidence AND have a self-worth issue.
I got to get up in front of 1500 people the next day and thank him for this insight. He said something along the lines that he was impressed that I actually did something since sometimes he makes people mad at him and they do nothing.
What is interesting about all of this is I've now made the decision to really focus on finding value in my worth, through other things than my business. I've decided to dive deep into spiritual practices through my higher power to find value. It seems to be working.
The best part of this is that I know if I continue getting self-worth outside of my business, my business were to fail tomorrow that my self-worth would not disappear with it.
So now it's your turn... Do you associate your worth with the success of your business? Answer this question? WHO ARE YOU WITHOUT YOUR BUSINESS?
Let's talk about it in the comments below! I will respond!